I had the privilege of working alongside a beautiful family for three months as their postpartum doula. This is what she kindly had to share about our time together. It’s my hope that as you read her answers, you see the value of embracing the new mother and all that it encompasses in those first few months after baby arrives, and maybe even how valuable a postpartum doula can be in a time when so many feel alone and without a village. I’m always honoured to work for the families that welcome me in and it’s my hope that we continue to support each other through this crazy journey called parenthood.
What was your view on postpartum care while you were pregnant or before you had a baby?
Preparing for a baby to arrive, especially as new parents, was daunting. I didn’t know whether to get the nursery ready, or read books, or take classes, or just enjoy the time without having kids. I felt I knew nothing about becoming a mother. I did get the nursery ready and I did read some books and I ended up taking some classes too. I was so focused on the pregnancy and baby’s arrival that I didn’t give much thought to what happens after the baby gets here.
The books I perused through were about childbirth, and what to expect at each stage of pregnancy and even what to expect in the first three months after the baby was born. The classes I went to were also about how to take care of the baby. It was all about the baby! Don’t get me wrong, I knew nothing, so any information I can get on taking care of a baby was great!
But there wasn’t much information on how to heal a woman, emotionally and physically, after the most life changing event of her life.
How did that change during pregnancy or once baby arrived?
Towards the middle of my pregnancy, I knew I was going to need some help. I was going to be alone in a new city with no family and new I couldn’t get through the beginning without a small village to help. My mother passed away at a young age and my husband’s mother lived across the province so I looked to other options and hoped I could find something.
How did you come to the decision to hire a postpartum doula?
I came across the possibility of a postpartum doula when I was looking for a doula to help us at the birth. Just doing some research on the internet led me to the understanding that there can be birth doulas and postpartum doulas (or both!). That really got me thinking that this could be exactly what I was looking for. It was someone who could help me while I took care of my new baby. I also come from a south Asian background where there is heavy emphasis on ensuring a women is exclusively cared for after giving birth for about six weeks. Some women in the south Asian culture will live with their mom/parents during this six week period to ensure the woman is healing and the baby is cared for. Losing my mom at a young age didn’t mean I had to lose out on this and the services of a postpartum doula was exactly what I was looking for (and ultimately needed).
What qualities were you looking for in your postpartum doula?
At first I didn’t know what qualities I was looking for since I didn’t know what help I would need! All I knew was that I was placing my trust in someone to take care of me when all I would be focusing on is my newborn. After meeting with Amber and learning what was involved, I signed up. Just having someone to chat with after a baby is born sounded amazing AND they could make me a cup of tea while we chatted. I just had to do it.
Can you share a bit about how you value ‘The First Forty Day’s’ after having a baby?
Amber introduced me to ‘The First Forty Days’ at one of our preliminary meetings. I went home and ordered a copy. The underlying influence of the books is from Asian cultures where taking care of the woman is of just as much importance as taking care of the newborn child. The mother needs to heal her body and her soul after welcoming life into the world. This is for any mother, not just a new mother. We all need to heal after any kind of birth.
That philosophy really resonated with me. I grew up in the Western Culture where supermom’s are revered, so adopting a philosophy where it was okay that I didn’t entertain visitors, or keep the house tidy or make a meal was an adjustment but a welcomed adjustment.
The book also really taught me about healing through nourishing foods and focusing on nourishment for the first forty days after birth. I chose to keep my diet simple, and Amber had no problem cooking the same recipes over and over again.
Was it helpful to process your birth story with Amber?
Amber was great to help me come to terms with my birth story. Each birth story is different and mine had deviated from the “plan” but talking it through with Amber (countless times!) helped me understand that this was my story and it was beautiful.
We know that doulas aren’t housekeepers or cooks but trained professionals to help new parents through the early days and months of welcoming a baby home. What things did you find most valuable about having Amber in your home? Please share details!
Amber was my support for everything. Some of the best days we had were just chats over some tea. I am so incredibly thankful for her support during that time. She would ensure I was well fed, that my laundry was all done, and even had a special touch to get my little one to nap. As a mom, some days are better than others and there are days when you just want to close the world out and get some sleep. She let me do that. I didn’t have to worry about anything other than getting into the rhythm of motherhood.
The nurses at the hospital were really great at getting me started on breastfeeding and provided me some tips on comfortable positions to hold the baby. It wasn’t until I got home that I realized I didn’t have a clue on how to pump and how I felt I couldn’t do anything but breastfeed and pump. Something nobody tells you is how thirsty and hungry breastfeeding or pumping makes us!! Amber was so crucial on helping me get into pumping. I was terrified of it because I didn’t know anything about it! She also fully made sure I was comfortable when breastfeeding. The support I received ensured I could focus solely on feeding baby and establishing a routine.
Did you find the nourishing meals prepared helpful to your healing?
I fully believed that after having nourishing meals I was able to heal physically, emotionally and psychologically. Had I not had Amber and postpartum care, I may have ordered takeout or munched away on unhealthy snacks (which I certainly did from time to time) which often make me feel bad or guilty. Focusing on foods specifically meant for healing a mother after birth was why I was able to feel myself again very quickly. I was adamant about proper nutrition for the first three months postpartum and would do it again with the next little ones I hope to have.
Would you recommend these services to other new parents?
I would hands down recommend this service to new parents and even parents who have more than one child. The philosophy of taking care of the mother after the birth of a child is taken very seriously in many cultures but our own. Having these services is a win-win in every scenario because it takes pressure off of friends, family and/or the partner to care for the mother and baby, the mother is supported in her emotional and household needs and the baby can get undivided attention. Every mother in the world needs help like this and I felt really lucky that I had Amber to help me.
I had Amber for three months and this was perfect for what I needed.
What is one thing you took away from having a postpartum doula work with your family?
In the crazy fog of the first three months of motherhood she kept my house in order and made the best darn turmeric lattes I’ve ever had! But above all that, she kept my spirits up even on my foggiest days.
Is there anything you’d like to say about having Amber journey alongside you and your family? Any other comments or ideas or thoughts you’d like to share?
I am so grateful to Amber for getting me through the first three-month fog. The transition to motherhood happens in an instant and having her to guide me through it was incredible. She listened to me, gave me lots of advice when I needed it and showed me that it was okay to ask for help.
